imagine..

.. You were leaving the earth tonight.
when you are content here on earth, you may assume you have all the time in the world, that you have the time to live a full life 'til 92 years of age.
but then if you aren't happy, or you are in pain, you wait for death impatiently?
how long did Steph lie in bed waiting for Jesus to come and take her? did it seem very long?
she was waiting. she knew she didnt have very much time after hope for a miracle was lost, if it ever was..
i'm sure even after she had died, my father[probably my mother, too] was half expecting/hoping for a lazarus miracle.
still we don't know why the healing didn't happen, but it didnt. it was her time to go. and now she is no longer waiting for Jesus, but is with Him.

but is that was it takes to want to be with Jesus?
hopelessness? then everything is better than what you have, right?

i don't want to leave my life here. i love what i have, though i don't always act like i do.
i need to be ready, and even if i were to expect Jesus' coming to be in one hundred years or my death at 92 years, i should be living ready.
what if you were going to be walking hand in hand with Jesus along a creek side this afternoon.
why is it so hard to believe that its better than what we have here?!
here we deal with stress and depression and violence and all sorts of crap, but we cling to our life here so hard.
i do need to be happy here, just not clinging.
as my mom says often, this too will pass.
how hard it is to live temporarily when you don't know how long you have.
i'm thirty and some days it feels like life is long. another forty years seems like an eternity. its longer than how long i have had so far, even if only by ten years. [is that when you start thinking life is short? when you lived longer than you assum you have left?]
where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.
how true that is.
if all i do is work, work, work on my house, that'll be what's on my thoughts and heart.
i need to work on things that are eternal.
i can barely think of tomorrow, but i think that's alright if i can make today count.
everyday needs to be prioritized with Jesus and then others.
i believe in Jesus, the son of God. i'm not debating this, i'm just trying to convey my thoughts on life. my life.
i have been feeling bored the last few days. restless. there is more i could do. there is always stuff to do, so i want to make sure i'm setting my goals right, then strive forward.
my kids are growing. they are my mission right now. i need to be the best mother i can be, but also person.